I am an applicant to become a Mathematics teacher in a secondary public school. This year I tried to be included in the RQA (Registry of Qualified Applicants). And luckily, among my peers (Mathematics major) and area of assignment (Bulan), I am on the 5th spot.

Seems easy.

Compared to what others had experienced, it is.

Early this school year, I had the chance to be employed as a substitute teacher. For me that was brought to pass by a power beyond anyone’s control. I know there were people who moved so that my name will be considered. And to them, I am greatly thankful.

I have no connection with people in high places. And I made a resolve not to use any dubious means to get employed. I want it in a way that the legitimacy of my employment will be beyond question.

I guess, many will say I am in for a long wait. It somehow scares me.

But I do believe that Right is Might. I do believe in the power of Goodness.

Each of the applicants desire a good paying job. And with today’s circumstances, some of us might be in a more pitiful condition. It will prick my conscience to steal anything that rightly belong to someone else.

I know that God has His own timetable. This declaration does not mean that I don’t feel discouraged. I do. Many times. But I trust that I may not see the wisdom beyond what I can comprehend now, someday, I will.

God has a way of doing things. And He is good ALL THE TIME.

This is my 3^rd time to set foot on the threshold of the Division Office. The 2^nd was uneventful as the first and this – the third.

Though I made a lot of waiting at the very first, still i consider it pleasant and i was grateful the way it turned out. But to describe this third visit – it borders in FRUSTRATING.

June, July. Two months had already passed. I had finished my two months contract. August had also gone by. A month after my application for my claim of compensation was submitted. The date is September 4, 2009. I was there to follow-up.

I inquired at the Cash Section. “Your cheque isn’t here yet, Sir. Please inquire at the Accounting Department.”

I inquired at the Accounting Department. “Sir, had you asked the HR if they had already forwarded your application? Because we can’t see your name here.”

I inquired at the HR Office. I want to believe that “she” was searching and the actions weren’t just a make-believe. When it seemed nothing is to be found, she told me in a very soft voice “Pasa na lang po kayo ulit ng requirements.”

I might looked so calm but deep within me I was in a rage. A lot of questions in my head. I will definitely understand the delay but my papers to be MISSING? Is there filing that DEFECTIVE? It could be. Seeing “her” asked another employee to boot up her computer.

I don’t entertain suggestions or ideas which verge on corruption which most people are telling me.

On Tuesday, I will be submitting my papers, AGAIN.

I hope my next visits will have some improvements.

I’ll blog about it.

The 2nd of June, 2009 marked my firsthand contact in transacting with DepEd’s Division Office in Sorsogon. I was to fill a post as a substitute teacher for someone who was going into maternity leave. As procedure requires, I had to submit my papers and seek for an approval. Because it was my first, I was groping my way through the process. It took me one whole day to finish the transaction. But for most of the time, i was waiting.
At the end of the day, I was truly grateful. Because I need not go back for another day of waiting.
I have to mention the act of kindness which I was blessed to receive from someone who I came to know is Madame Dingalan. I was looking for the Accounting Office and momentarily stopped at the door blocking Madame Dingalan’s path. When I turned around, I almost bumped into her. But instead of being pissed for cutting her way, she was all smile and gently asked me where I was headed. I told her and she gave me directions.
When i was already upstairs, together with others who were also waiting, she made the gesture of asking if we had been attended to. Such acts of kindness!!!
I do hope every government office has someone like her.

i will always remember that one of my purpose in making this blog is to serve as an inspiration to anyone who might be struggling over anything or everything. i want to stick to that. that’s why, this post.

i experienced a roller-coaster-ride-kind-of-life since i went back to Bulan. some ups and so many downs. and my age shows i am going nowhere (that’s hard).

BUT i always believe that i need not remove or delete all the previous posts which i had written in my internet life. actually, i have a daily account of my life in Manila available in the net (not that anyone would be interested) but what i am saying is that all the mistakes, the failure, struggles, triumphs (big and small), humiliations, everything added up to what i am right now. what i am saying is that MAN as long as he is breathing, living, existing is always a WORK IN PROGRESS.

once i was in a mall, strolling and all by myself… trying to grasp the essence of my presence there and felt real empty. what is the purpose of it all? was the sadness brought by the fact that i have no money and therefore cannot buy what my eyes glut to have? honestly, i didn’t feel that way. i was actually thinking of this – MY FAMILY. at that time, i was asking, where were they? i was in the mall but where were they? the pangs of loneliness hit me. living is more fun if you have someone with you, when you have a FAMILY.

i love my family, no doubt with that. but everything or everyone is so dysfunctional, this love i profess seems not visible at all. i am reminded of this quote (i guess, Shakespeare said this) “he does not love who does not show his love”. i feel bad about that. i feel bad about myself. my actions seems not to agree with how i feel. i read from Covey this idea – the NO DEAL approach. he said “if you can’t find a solution that works for both of you, decide not to play. no deal.”

here is my situation. when i came back to Bulan, i came home really empty. barging into my brother’s life uninvited. but this is our ancestral home. nobody owns the place yet. my decease mom still holds the title as the owner. my niece (my brother’s daughter) and her kid was here when i arrived. we were four souls then. my niece left abandoning her 3-year-old-child. she just left without our knowing. a heartless mother. who will care for her kid? inevitably, the responsibility fell on my brother’s lap. i am seeing him struggle. bringing the kid to work. and you will ask “what i am doing?” that’s where my pain begins.

it is easy to think that i am in the wrong. i do think that most of the time. i don’t eat in the house. my purpose is to ease the burden my brother is carrying. and i am many years past my adolescent years (pride). and because i have to provide for my own survival, daily, i need to leave the house.

here is what i want everyone to see. i refuse to be chained in my brother’s circumstances. here is one of their proposed solutions (they aren’t vocal about this. no one speaks in our family.) i take care of the kid. my brother will be the provider. i can only ask “where will that lead to?” when he would go home drunk and grumble about life. is not that making me a doormat (thinking of myself)?

in the spiritual side of things, i know that i need to forget myself and immerse myself in service to them. but i am reminded that all things are to be done in wisdom and order. “if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch”. when you can’t swim and see someone drowning, call for help. don’t plunge into the water. you’ll be another casualty.

that lead me to the NO DEAL approach. it isn’t that i don’t help. but in the weighing scale, HELP is toppled over by INDIFFERENCE (if this be the right word). am i crying for help? in the family, i am. but no one seems to hear. or maybe we are all crying out loud. the sound of which drowns other’s crying sound.

at present, i am trying to land a good-paying job (waiting for the morrow). i am seeking for riches to be able to help. i just hope that it won’t come in a day when everything is too late. i want to make amends, that is for sure.

COMMUNICATION – is what my family lacks. i do hope you will improve that on your own.

knowledge is first when it comes to change… a better change. and that is the reason for this list of websites of personalities who are planning to run for the highest post in the government come year 2010. these are their official websites. you might say “these are all crap”. but i do think that to get the whole picture, we have to explore all sides of the story. this is their side – crap or crap.

jejomar binay – i lived in Makati for almost a year (Brgy. Pio del Pilar). Sorry to say, as everywhere else i’ve seen people living in the streets.

noli de castro -

chiz escudero - good revolutionaries often make bad democrats.

 Revolutionaries plot in secret, follow orders and serve the people by leading them. Democrats debate openly and serve the people by listening to them. Revolution is resolute, romantic and self-righteous. Democracy is flexible, often boring and riddled with doubt.

 History is full of revolutionaries who failed to make the switch. Most promised people’s rule but, once in power, embraced a permanent state of revolution — some, like Robert Mugabe and Hugo Chávez, conjuring up fantastical foreign enemies to fight.

 Too many liberation leaders leave office only when another revolutionary seizes power.

 time.com/magazine/asia/apr. 9, 2009/why south africa’s over the rainbow/

this guy came from my very own province – Sorsogon. but one thing – everytime i see him on TV, he is either complaining or ranting.

richard gordon -

loren legarda – she seems too focus to lead. trying every means. desperate. bad description, right?

i believe it might be accepted as a fairly reliable rule of thumb that the man who is ambitious to lead is disqualified as a leader. A.W. Tozer (1897 – 1963)

ed panlilio -

gilbert teodoro jr. -

manny villar -

this isn’t comprehensive. i did not include others who in my knowledge are not vocal yet of their intention to run for the presidency. but i will update this list from time to time until the official roster of candidate is published by the COMELEC.

***pictures taken from this site – http://2010presidentiables.wordpress.com/

I will not say that this is a perfect getaway. But if one is looking for a REAL GETAWAY, it’s someplace to visit. No electricity (no “comfort amenities”), not a crowded beach (we barely saw 3 groups), real quiet, just serenity and peace (if the weather is fine).

These are islands just a few minutes (15, i guess) from the pier of Matnog, Sorsogon. I’m talking about TIKLING and SUBIC.

Warning: the water is real deep.

The Single Adults of Bulan Philippines District is planning to stay overnight in one of these islands on May 1, that is why we made an ocular inspection yesterday (Apr 10). We rented a small boat (we were just 7 persons, including the boat guys and it was almost full). But bigger boats can be rented (capacity of 30 or more, maybe). For the small boat we paid Php 500.00 for the whole trip (1 and a-half hour; island hopping). But we have a contact, a local who knows people (who has boats). I heard the bigger boats might charge a whooping Php 15,000.00. But you can make arrangements, i think.
Again, if you are an urban lass who wants “hotel services”, find another place (Bora, i guess). But if you are an adventurous type (survivor feel), try these places.

How i wish i have an hd cam to capture the view (it’s a camera phone which i’m using).

By the way, is that a bottle of drinking water? You are thinking!

i admire this lady before. she had exhibited wonderful qualities which are depicted only in movies. waiting patiently in line. not using her status (being a president’s daughter) to receive better service or attention. really behaved like a commoner.

when zte scandal broke out, she called de venecia a drug user and questioned if drugs had gotten into his mind.

the scandal dragged for quite a while.

new witnesses came out.

she became silent.

i do wonder what she has to say now!

this is one of the best audio books i had ever heard. i don’t belong to joel osteen’s congregation. but the piece of mind he had shared in this book are worth listening to by everyone.

the goal may not be new – keep hope alive! still, he is able to deliver each idea in a wonderful touching way.

we do that all the time. decisions involve good and real reasons. the good is for everyone to hear. the phrase “in good faith” comes out of it. the real is what our inner selves hear.

why did i left bulan in the 1^st place? i did forget why. manila had blurred my recollection. my struggles in the city hid the bitter reason for my flight. now that i am back they are slowly resurfacing again.

the good reason why i left was because i was looking for a bigger and better opportunities. manila could provide that.

the real reason was i don’t wanna be eaten up by the system.

government teaching posts are held by persons in power. it does not matter how academically an applicant excels. the important thing is “who do you know?”. that was the condition of the times when i decided to leave.

4 years of absence. was there a change?

the other day, i chanced to talk with a school administrator and she posed the very same old question. “why those who she thinks are deserving get knocked off by those whose abilities are questionable?”

your guess is as good as mine.

i have this feeling that gma is cooking up something with all that is happening. she desires that violence will escalate in all parts of the country so she can be justified to declare a state of emergency or martial law – and she can stay in power beyond 2010.

everything is logical.

first, attack the nation’s capital (metro manila) source of electricity – meralco. tell you  what? when you control this commodity, everything else will come easy. the press will be easy to restrain. just cut the power off. news block-out will be instantly available.

second, conspire with the armed-leftist groups. let them (milf) play the role of aggressor. milf and gma are in business. the moa is nothing but a front. it does not matter who gets killed. there has to be sacrifices in order for their venture to prosper. there is only one goal – GMA wants to be IN POWER beyond 2010.