face-off

i will always remember that one of my purpose in making this blog is to serve as an inspiration to anyone who might be struggling over anything or everything. i want to stick to that. that’s why, this post.

i experienced a roller-coaster-ride-kind-of-life since i went back to Bulan. some ups and so many downs. and my age shows i am going nowhere (that’s hard).

BUT i always believe that i need not remove or delete all the previous posts which i had written in my internet life. actually, i have a daily account of my life in Manila available in the net (not that anyone would be interested) but what i am saying is that all the mistakes, the failure, struggles, triumphs (big and small), humiliations, everything added up to what i am right now. what i am saying is that MAN as long as he is breathing, living, existing is always a WORK IN PROGRESS.

once i was in a mall, strolling and all by myself… trying to grasp the essence of my presence there and felt real empty. what is the purpose of it all? was the sadness brought by the fact that i have no money and therefore cannot buy what my eyes glut to have? honestly, i didn’t feel that way. i was actually thinking of this – MY FAMILY. at that time, i was asking, where were they? i was in the mall but where were they? the pangs of loneliness hit me. living is more fun if you have someone with you, when you have a FAMILY.

i love my family, no doubt with that. but everything or everyone is so dysfunctional, this love i profess seems not visible at all. i am reminded of this quote (i guess, Shakespeare said this) “he does not love who does not show his love”. i feel bad about that. i feel bad about myself. my actions seems not to agree with how i feel. i read from Covey this idea – the NO DEAL approach. he said “if you can’t find a solution that works for both of you, decide not to play. no deal.”

here is my situation. when i came back to Bulan, i came home really empty. barging into my brother’s life uninvited. but this is our ancestral home. nobody owns the place yet. my decease mom still holds the title as the owner. my niece (my brother’s daughter) and her kid was here when i arrived. we were four souls then. my niece left abandoning her 3-year-old-child. she just left without our knowing. a heartless mother. who will care for her kid? inevitably, the responsibility fell on my brother’s lap. i am seeing him struggle. bringing the kid to work. and you will ask “what i am doing?” that’s where my pain begins.

it is easy to think that i am in the wrong. i do think that most of the time. i don’t eat in the house. my purpose is to ease the burden my brother is carrying. and i am many years past my adolescent years (pride). and because i have to provide for my own survival, daily, i need to leave the house.

here is what i want everyone to see. i refuse to be chained in my brother’s circumstances. here is one of their proposed solutions (they aren’t vocal about this. no one speaks in our family.) i take care of the kid. my brother will be the provider. i can only ask “where will that lead to?” when he would go home drunk and grumble about life. is not that making me a doormat (thinking of myself)?

in the spiritual side of things, i know that i need to forget myself and immerse myself in service to them. but i am reminded that all things are to be done in wisdom and order. “if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch”. when you can’t swim and see someone drowning, call for help. don’t plunge into the water. you’ll be another casualty.

that lead me to the NO DEAL approach. it isn’t that i don’t help. but in the weighing scale, HELP is toppled over by INDIFFERENCE (if this be the right word). am i crying for help? in the family, i am. but no one seems to hear. or maybe we are all crying out loud. the sound of which drowns other’s crying sound.

at present, i am trying to land a good-paying job (waiting for the morrow). i am seeking for riches to be able to help. i just hope that it won’t come in a day when everything is too late. i want to make amends, that is for sure.

COMMUNICATION – is what my family lacks. i do hope you will improve that on your own.

presidentiables 2010

knowledge is first when it comes to change… a better change. and that is the reason for this list of websites of personalities who are planning to run for the highest post in the government come year 2010. these are their official websites. you might say “these are all crap”. but i do think that to get the whole picture, we have to explore all sides of the story. this is their side – crap or crap.

jejomar binay – i lived in Makati for almost a year (Brgy. Pio del Pilar). Sorry to say, as everywhere else i’ve seen people living in the streets.

noli de castro -

chiz escudero - good revolutionaries often make bad democrats.

 Revolutionaries plot in secret, follow orders and serve the people by leading them. Democrats debate openly and serve the people by listening to them. Revolution is resolute, romantic and self-righteous. Democracy is flexible, often boring and riddled with doubt.

 History is full of revolutionaries who failed to make the switch. Most promised people’s rule but, once in power, embraced a permanent state of revolution — some, like Robert Mugabe and Hugo Chávez, conjuring up fantastical foreign enemies to fight.

 Too many liberation leaders leave office only when another revolutionary seizes power.

 time.com/magazine/asia/apr. 9, 2009/why south africa’s over the rainbow/

this guy came from my very own province – Sorsogon. but one thing – everytime i see him on TV, he is either complaining or ranting.

richard gordon -

 

loren legarda – she seems too focus to lead. trying every means. desperate. bad description, right?

i believe it might be accepted as a fairly reliable rule of thumb that the man who is ambitious to lead is disqualified as a leader. A.W. Tozer (1897 – 1963)

ed panlilio -

 

gilbert teodoro jr. -

manny villar -

this isn’t comprehensive. i did not include others who in my knowledge are not vocal yet of their intention to run for the presidency. but i will update this list from time to time until the official roster of candidate is published by the COMELEC.

***pictures taken from this site – http://2010presidentiables.wordpress.com/