face-off

i will always remember that one of my purpose in making this blog is to serve as an inspiration to anyone who might be struggling over anything or everything. i want to stick to that. that’s why, this post.

i experienced a roller-coaster-ride-kind-of-life since i went back to Bulan. some ups and so many downs. and my age shows i am going nowhere (that’s hard).

BUT i always believe that i need not remove or delete all the previous posts which i had written in my internet life. actually, i have a daily account of my life in Manila available in the net (not that anyone would be interested) but what i am saying is that all the mistakes, the failure, struggles, triumphs (big and small), humiliations, everything added up to what i am right now. what i am saying is that MAN as long as he is breathing, living, existing is always a WORK IN PROGRESS.

once i was in a mall, strolling and all by myself… trying to grasp the essence of my presence there and felt real empty. what is the purpose of it all? was the sadness brought by the fact that i have no money and therefore cannot buy what my eyes glut to have? honestly, i didn’t feel that way. i was actually thinking of this – MY FAMILY. at that time, i was asking, where were they? i was in the mall but where were they? the pangs of loneliness hit me. living is more fun if you have someone with you, when you have a FAMILY.

i love my family, no doubt with that. but everything or everyone is so dysfunctional, this love i profess seems not visible at all. i am reminded of this quote (i guess, Shakespeare said this) “he does not love who does not show his love”. i feel bad about that. i feel bad about myself. my actions seems not to agree with how i feel. i read from Covey this idea – the NO DEAL approach. he said “if you can’t find a solution that works for both of you, decide not to play. no deal.”

here is my situation. when i came back to Bulan, i came home really empty. barging into my brother’s life uninvited. but this is our ancestral home. nobody owns the place yet. my decease mom still holds the title as the owner. my niece (my brother’s daughter) and her kid was here when i arrived. we were four souls then. my niece left abandoning her 3-year-old-child. she just left without our knowing. a heartless mother. who will care for her kid? inevitably, the responsibility fell on my brother’s lap. i am seeing him struggle. bringing the kid to work. and you will ask “what i am doing?” that’s where my pain begins.

it is easy to think that i am in the wrong. i do think that most of the time. i don’t eat in the house. my purpose is to ease the burden my brother is carrying. and i am many years past my adolescent years (pride). and because i have to provide for my own survival, daily, i need to leave the house.

here is what i want everyone to see. i refuse to be chained in my brother’s circumstances. here is one of their proposed solutions (they aren’t vocal about this. no one speaks in our family.) i take care of the kid. my brother will be the provider. i can only ask “where will that lead to?” when he would go home drunk and grumble about life. is not that making me a doormat (thinking of myself)?

in the spiritual side of things, i know that i need to forget myself and immerse myself in service to them. but i am reminded that all things are to be done in wisdom and order. “if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch”. when you can’t swim and see someone drowning, call for help. don’t plunge into the water. you’ll be another casualty.

that lead me to the NO DEAL approach. it isn’t that i don’t help. but in the weighing scale, HELP is toppled over by INDIFFERENCE (if this be the right word). am i crying for help? in the family, i am. but no one seems to hear. or maybe we are all crying out loud. the sound of which drowns other’s crying sound.

at present, i am trying to land a good-paying job (waiting for the morrow). i am seeking for riches to be able to help. i just hope that it won’t come in a day when everything is too late. i want to make amends, that is for sure.

COMMUNICATION – is what my family lacks. i do hope you will improve that on your own.

presidentiables 2010

knowledge is first when it comes to change… a better change. and that is the reason for this list of websites of personaities who are planning to run for the highest post in the government come year 2010. these are their official websites. you might say “these are all crap”. but i do think that to get the whole picture, we have to explore all sides of the story. this is their side – crap or crap.

jejomar binay – i lived in Makati for almost a year (Brgy. Pio del Pilar). Sorry to say, as everywhere else i’ve seen people living in the streets.

noli de castro -

chiz escudero – this guy came from my very own province – Sorsogon. but one thing – everytime i see him on TV, he is either complaining or ranting.

richard gordon -

ping lacson – i vote for this guy when he run for president. i wonder if i should be thankful he didn’t win.

loren legarda – she seems too focus to lead. trying every means. desperate. bad description, right?

i believe it might be accepted as a fairly reliable rule of thumb that the man who is ambitious to lead is disqualified as a leader. A.W. Tozer (1897 – 1963)

ed panlilio -

mar roxas -

gilbert teodoro jr. -

manny villar -

this isn’t comprehensive. i did not include others who in my knowledge are not vocal yet of their intention to run for the presidency. but i will update this list from time to time until the official roster of candidate is published by the COMELEC.

***pictures taken from this site – http://2010presidentiables.wordpress.com/

Island Hopping

I will not say that this is a perfect getaway. But if one is looking for a REAL GETAWAY, it’s someplace to visit. No electricity (no “comfort amenities”), not a crowded beach (we barely saw 3 groups), real quiet, just serenity and peace (if the weather is fine).

These are islands just a few minutes (15, i guess) from the pier of Matnog, Sorsogon. I’m talking about TIKLING and SUBIC.

Warning: the water is real deep.

The Single Adults of Bulan Philippines District is planning to stay overnight in one of these islands on May 1, that is why we made an ocular inspection yesterday (Apr 10). We rented a small boat (we were just 7 persons, including the boat guys and it was almost full). But bigger boats can be rented (capacity of 30 or more, maybe). For the small boat we paid Php 500.00 for the whole trip (1 and a-half hour; island hopping). But we have a contact, a local who knows people (who has boats). I heard the bigger boats might charge a whooping Php 15,000.00. But you can make arrangements, i think.
Again, if you are an urban lass who wants “hotel services”, find another place (Bora, i guess). But if you are an adventurous type (survivor feel), try these places.

How i wish i have an hd cam to capture the view (it’s a camera phone which i’m using).

By the way, is that a bottle of drinking water? You are thinking!

luli

 

 

 

 

 

i admire this lady before. she had exhibited wonderful qualities which are depicted only in movies. waiting patiently in line. not using her status (being a president’s daughter) to receive better service or attention. really behaved like a commoner.

 

when zte scandal broke out, she called de venecia a drug user and questioned if drugs had gotten into his mind.

 

the scandal dragged for quite a while.

 

new witnesses came out.

 

she became silent.

 

i do wonder what she has to say now!

your best life now

this is one of the best audio books i had ever heard. i don’t belong to joel osteen’s congregation. but the piece of mind he had shared in this book are worth listening to by everyone.

the goal may not be new – keep hope alive! still, he is able to deliver each idea in a wonderful touching way.

the good and the real reason

we do that all the time. decisions involve good and real reasons. the good is for everyone to hear. the phrase “in good faith” comes out of it. the real is what our inner selves hear.

why did i left bulan in the 1^st place? i did forget why. manila had blurred my recollection. my struggles in the city hid the bitter reason for my flight. now that i am back they are slowly resurfacing again.

the good reason why i left was because i was looking for a bigger and better opportunities. manila could provide that.

the real reason was i don’t wanna be eaten up by the system.

government teaching posts are held by persons in power. it does not matter how academically an applicant excels. the important thing is “who do you know?”. that was the condition of the times when i decided to leave.

4 years of absence. was there a change?

the other day, i chanced to talk with a school administrator and she posed the very same old question. “why those who she thinks are deserving get knocked off by those whose abilities are questionable?”

your guess is as good as mine.

gma, meralco, the leftist groups and martial law

 

i have this feeling that gma is cooking up something with all that is happening. she desires that violence will escalate in all parts of the country so she can be justified to declare a state of emergency or martial law – and she can stay in power beyond 2010.

 

everything is logical.

 

first, attack the nation’s capital (metro manila) source of electricity – meralco. tell you  what? when you control this commodity, everything else will come easy. the press will be easy to restrain. just cut the power off. news block-out will be instantly available.

 

second, conspire with the armed-leftist groups. let them (milf) play the role of aggressor. milf and gma are in business. the moa is nothing but a front. it does not matter who gets killed. there has to be sacrifices in order for their venture to prosper. there is only one goal – GMA wants to be IN POWER beyond 2010.

bulan

 

this is the place where i lived the longest. but, i guess, that is the kind we expect from everyone. people settling down in their places of birth.

 

in my younger years, i never thought of going somewhere else. but somehow life leads us to many different places. when i set my foot out of this place, i dreaded the thought of coming back. but after years of aimless wandering, here i am again. barging into my brother’s life. uninvited.

 

i don’t know what awaits me here (many things i am presently unsure of). but this is the only place i can think about starting all over again. there could be more reasons why i came back.  closures. or maybe i did not have had enough time bereaving my mother’s loss. or it only proves the saying that there is no place like home.

life’s purpose

 

when i was young, i often hear family friends tell my mother i would be her ticket out of poverty. and during the times when i displayed disobedience and stubbornness, she would castigate me with sarcasm in her words about this neighbors-induced prediction.

 

when she passed away i felt a portion of me had also died out. i started to deal with the question “what is the purpose of living?” were the neighbors wrong in their conjectures? or was it not just meant to be?

 

religion taught me about the life hereafter. coupled with answers to the question “why we are here?”.

 

the coveys’ books are replete of help on finding a life full of meaning. i even made a personal mission statement according to their suggested guides.

 

three different sources. but it seems i am still losing it. all statements changes into mere words. i am losing grasp of what they all stand for.

 

the world now revolves in everything instant. i worked in manila for 3 consecutive years. no other place in the country where it could be described as fast-paced. topography changes every 6 months.

 

and while there i was completely lost in the crowd.

 

i did not make it big. or in other’s words, i failed.

 

now, i am starting again.

 

and my quittance taught me this idea – we don’t search for life’s meaning. we put meaning to our lives.

buhay dcpi

i will start with my exit interview. i was too careful on what to say. because business articles are full of these warnings saying they bounce back. and i do worry of the repercussions. especially telling bad things about people which is often coated as hints for improvement. “i should have a graceful exit”, or so i thought. but had i spilt too much?

during the interview, i had this feeling that my interviewer has the intention of purging me to say anything negative on almost everything – the company, my supervisor, my job and reason for leaving. i wonder if this is the real agenda behind exit interviews.

as always, i was slow to answer. i do feel terrible criticizing especially of people.

she had asked me why i rated culture 5 in a grade ranging from 1 to 10. this is one of which i had a very hard time responding. and sufficed her to accept my silence as an answer.

but what was it really like working in dcpi?

it could be that some of my perceptions here are very personal. or maybe exclusively just my own point of view.

if i am to work first shift, i had to be in the office before 6 in the morning. if i am of the afternoon shift, then i had to be there before 2 in the afternoon. but there were recent changes which they call “compressed work schedule”. it is a 5-day work week comprised of 9 hours and 36 minutes office hours including a 50 minutes break-time daily. the previous schedule was 8 hours for 6 days a week with a 45-minute break.

now, let me tell you about the ambience or the “culture” at work. it’s like living in a cut-throat island. employees are always on the look-out for who’s who. power struggle is a big issue. this fosters a mood for guarding one’s own interest. but it is unclear who the real enemy is? everyone’s smooching and at the same time stabbing one another. dissatisfaction abounds.

but it isn’t the reason why i left the company. it is lack of interest. or it’s just ain’t my cup of tea. honestly, i don’t know who’s running who. i have no idea what’s the real name of my immediate superior up to the big bosses of the company. i just know them by their nicknames. not because of endearment but because nobody cares.

i am the kind who don’t complain a lot. when it comes to some things i apply this kind of thinking – make do or shut up.

the company has great ideas. like the monthly chat. it has the intention of knowing the concerns of the employees as individuals and as teammates. but for unknown reasons, it seems not working at all. i think trust is the big factor. when you don’t trust the one you are talking to, it’s hard to open up.

one of the concerns i raised on my exit interview was the frequent transfer of project assignments. i think it is logical to think that this changes do affect the quality of work an encoder does. each projects has its set of different instructions. a transfer every now and then leads to confusion and errors. if quality is the company’s expertise then this practice has to go. and this is a big challenge when many of the recent projects are of a very short duration.

challenged would be a wonderful word to describe someone’s work. threatened is hard to live by. but the former is what i wish for dcpi.

indeed, i am grateful i was given the opportunity to work in the company. encoding is a different thing. it was a new knowledge for me.

and add to that the friends i made along the way.